Hurst So Good

Have you ever been told, “Don’t touch that; it’ll hurt you!” but just had to touch it so you knew just how much it would hurt? You just had to know for yourself; maybe you would like the hurt? Maybe it would feel so good that you would do it over, and over, and over again because even though it hurt, and you knew that it hurt, you just had to do it one more time and that would be the last time, or maybe just one more time and that would be the last time; you see where this is going.
I have a friend who is so lactose intolerant that it’s ridiculous; however, she loves chicken fettuccini in a extra creamy alfredo sauce, or pizza just oozing with mozzarella; she knows that she’ll pay for it later, she knows it will hurt; but she does it anyhow. Why? Because she loves it; she knows it hurts, but just doesn’t care.
John Mellencamp knew it; hell he wrote a whole song about it, “Hurts So Good”, “I ain’t complaining/ What you’re doing you see/ ‘Cos the hurting feeling is/ Oh so good to me”. This is a reoccurring theme in many songs; recently sung about by Lady Antebellum in “Need You Now”, “Guess I would rather hurt than feel nothing at all”.
Does this mean that secretly we are all masochists? Or just really slow learners?

I once knew a boy named Mark; when we first met I should have known not to touch, you could feel the electricity in the room between us; you would think I would know that that kind of electricity would lead to a very large spark; the kind that crack, frizzle, and make your hair stand on end when touched; obviously I should have known it would burn. But just how bad of a hurt I would get from it, I had to know!
Monumental hurt, you think I would have learned really quick; but sadly I was a moth to a flame; I’d often wondered why moths do it; fly straight at something so hot and painful that you can hear the scorch of their wings, but they keep going back; over, and over, and over again. It’s because John Mellencamp was right, it just Hurt so Good!
I have the greatest friends who figured I would eventually learn my lesson, stepped in when I didn’t, and eventually gave up on me when they say that I was as strung out as a junkie on this guy.
The hurt wasn’t the physical, mental, or emotional kind; it was the kind that lived in my heart; I wanted him forever and always, and he wanted me for awhile and while it was convenient. When it all started we were in the same city, but eventually we moved to different cities, and even to different country’s; yet, that whole moth to a flame thing endured; and we always found each other.
I’ve often thought this yo-yo dance we did would end in a happily ever after scenario; but alas my dear reader it didn’t. About a year ago; after many, many years of this same dance, this same hurt, I broke the cycle; I couldn’t hurt myself any more.
However, a year later the need to hurt has come back and I don’t know what to do!! I’m being strong, standing my ground, but the gut wrenching craving to do something that I know will just hurt me is so damn strong. So, I turn to you, what would you do?

Until the next go round...